Modern World.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Feeling kinda crappy now probably because I have to return to hell in a couple of hours' time. Going back to camp is something I dread every other day especially Sundays. There's just too much emptiness there. It's cold, boring and a waste of time and youth. At this age, I should be getting educated, making life choices or better yet, non-stop partying. Yet, I'm stuck in this place of endless moodiness. It's tough, really.
Sometimes, it becomes easier to picture it in a different way - to see it like I'm working in the corporate world, and I'm basically on a two-year contract with MINDEF. Aside from the meagre pay and the need to stay-in which is ridiculous IMO, I actually have a mean boss, (sometimes) funny colleagues and work that seems more like a chore than a career. The shoe seems to fit right in here. I guess all I'm saying is is that I have so much to offer and I need an outlet to just unleash the energy and the what I'm doing now in the Army is not what I had in my mind.
Anyways, having spent very little time shopping for the past few weeks or so, I am really proud of myself for having controlled the urges to buy stuff. Yes, I've passed the cold turkey phase. I'm in complete control over myself and I will spend according to needs instead of wants which was oh-so hard.
Right now, I'm back to contemplating overseas education. But like I said earlier, I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up what I have here and fly a few thousand miles away just to get a degree. I'm considering Uni of Edinburgh which is all the way at Scotland. I did think of the States, the most fascinating country in the world, but it seems rather late to be taking my SATs now. UK seem like a more appropriate choice though I do love 'em Americans. I don't think I can even understand the damn Scottish accent. But when I think of all the fun and experience I will acquire in the next couple of years should I pursue my education there, I can't help but think how much difference that would make in my life. How much more would I see with my own eyes. And how much more exciting my social life would be. It's refreshing.
Old vs new. I simply can't decide. ¶ 8:15 PM 0 Comments
Sometimes, it becomes easier to picture it in a different way - to see it like I'm working in the corporate world, and I'm basically on a two-year contract with MINDEF. Aside from the meagre pay and the need to stay-in which is ridiculous IMO, I actually have a mean boss, (sometimes) funny colleagues and work that seems more like a chore than a career. The shoe seems to fit right in here. I guess all I'm saying is is that I have so much to offer and I need an outlet to just unleash the energy and the what I'm doing now in the Army is not what I had in my mind.
Anyways, having spent very little time shopping for the past few weeks or so, I am really proud of myself for having controlled the urges to buy stuff. Yes, I've passed the cold turkey phase. I'm in complete control over myself and I will spend according to needs instead of wants which was oh-so hard.
Right now, I'm back to contemplating overseas education. But like I said earlier, I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up what I have here and fly a few thousand miles away just to get a degree. I'm considering Uni of Edinburgh which is all the way at Scotland. I did think of the States, the most fascinating country in the world, but it seems rather late to be taking my SATs now. UK seem like a more appropriate choice though I do love 'em Americans. I don't think I can even understand the damn Scottish accent. But when I think of all the fun and experience I will acquire in the next couple of years should I pursue my education there, I can't help but think how much difference that would make in my life. How much more would I see with my own eyes. And how much more exciting my social life would be. It's refreshing.
Old vs new. I simply can't decide. ¶ 8:15 PM 0 Comments
Monday, August 17, 2009
Faces
I woke up really early, did my usual routine of watching SATC and having breakfast over my desk and getting back to bed for a nap. Woke up again at 2, I had lunch and headed for NLB in the late afternoon.
I realised I could not even borrow any books cause apparently my membership is not recognised. Unwilling to rectify the problem, I left without my Paris guidebook and went to Bugis Junction hoping to find a leather phone case for my Blackberry 8820.
As I was wondering around the area alone, I couldn't help but look at the people around me and I have this disappointing realisation that most Singaporeans are really unattractive. Or that they're just old. It's got to do with the gene pool over here. Our Chinese compared to those over at Hong Kong or Taiwan are, if I may compare to cuts of meat, like beef skirt to veal. Since we're all descendants of the same forefathers, why is it that the concentration of ugly people is higher here? This is not being insensitive to my people (hell, I'm Singaporean) but it's at least, remotely evident from what I observed in the last two hours. Age aside, most Singaporeans just do not have the clear, unblemished complexion, the nice hair colour, the advantages of height nor the noble body frame that Westerners have. Is all we have on the inside enough? Intelligent, probably. But in a society where people are mainly judgmental (especially on the superficial), where do we stand? To be honest, everybody cares about theirs' and others' looks.
A presentable face is so much easier to look at and that's all I'm saying. ¶ 7:58 PM 0 Comments
I realised I could not even borrow any books cause apparently my membership is not recognised. Unwilling to rectify the problem, I left without my Paris guidebook and went to Bugis Junction hoping to find a leather phone case for my Blackberry 8820.
As I was wondering around the area alone, I couldn't help but look at the people around me and I have this disappointing realisation that most Singaporeans are really unattractive. Or that they're just old. It's got to do with the gene pool over here. Our Chinese compared to those over at Hong Kong or Taiwan are, if I may compare to cuts of meat, like beef skirt to veal. Since we're all descendants of the same forefathers, why is it that the concentration of ugly people is higher here? This is not being insensitive to my people (hell, I'm Singaporean) but it's at least, remotely evident from what I observed in the last two hours. Age aside, most Singaporeans just do not have the clear, unblemished complexion, the nice hair colour, the advantages of height nor the noble body frame that Westerners have. Is all we have on the inside enough? Intelligent, probably. But in a society where people are mainly judgmental (especially on the superficial), where do we stand? To be honest, everybody cares about theirs' and others' looks.
A presentable face is so much easier to look at and that's all I'm saying. ¶ 7:58 PM 0 Comments
Monday, August 10, 2009
Time.
Remember the time when we were so much younger with nothing to worry about? The time when money was not really factored into our consideration in whatever we did, and when our schedules were wide open with no particular restrictions. We led such carefree lives. As a child, we were so sheltered, we didn't face any cruelty in life. As an adult, we would be expected to have developed a life skill that protects us and the ones we love from such cruelty. As a teenager, we're stuck in the middle with nobody to really look out for us and yet, we don't have the full ability to overcome the problems we face.
This got me thinking, when a 20-something feels out of the ordinary, how does he/she pick him- or herself up? There's no clear rules and procedure nor tricks that helps the recovery process. So is the teen left alone to sort out his own problems?
As sensible human beings, the answer is obvious - we deal with things head-on and settle them as quickly as we can. No fuss no muss. But is it acceptable to rewind to an earlier emotional and mental stage and just wait for a rescue? ¶ 8:37 PM 0 Comments
This got me thinking, when a 20-something feels out of the ordinary, how does he/she pick him- or herself up? There's no clear rules and procedure nor tricks that helps the recovery process. So is the teen left alone to sort out his own problems?
As sensible human beings, the answer is obvious - we deal with things head-on and settle them as quickly as we can. No fuss no muss. But is it acceptable to rewind to an earlier emotional and mental stage and just wait for a rescue? ¶ 8:37 PM 0 Comments
Arena on 9th Aug
$28 cover charge with 2 free tequila shots. Additional 1 whisky shot, 2 jugs of whiskey+pepsi, my national day was spent with Marcus, Eugene and his 2 friends Mong & Justin. We wanted to go Double O but it was so empty, it seemed kinda unappealing - we headed for Arena instead. I honestly think I have a rather high alcohol tolerance (my liver is one of a kind). After all the drinks, I didn't feel much at all. It was so mild all I could do was smile uncontrollably. Other than that, it was all perfect sober, articulate and clarity.
We watched GI JOE at PS initially. It was a show for children apparently, with the no-brainer plot and cheap CGI effects. Still, it was pretty entertaining. Wouldn't be a blockbuster, definitely.
Anyways, I came home and had a sip of Martell from Dad's wine cabinet. It was left with a little bit with a lil herby taste. One tiny sip and Hello, I'm gone. Hahaha! Nah, it was really pretty intense, I could feel it in my tongue. The aftertaste and all... I didn't realise I had so much alcohol at home with a few bottles of Martell, XO, Chivas, Tequila, Whiskey, Johnny Walker, and lotsa red wine. Hell I could open a bar!
The other day I was thinking: Why do we always let one negative thing affect us so deeply regardless of how many good things that had happened to us? Like how we can score high points for tests and one major failure in any other exam will weigh us down so much. A bad review seems to be able to contest all other good reviews we have earned in our lives. Why are we so hard on ourselves?
We then start to put so much blame on ourselves when we hear about something bad being said about us? We say "who cares?!" but deep down, we can't help but think about it and it's enough to bug us the entire day. Happy moments are transcient, but upsetting times seem permanent.
So in view of all these sadness that easily sways our emotions to the other end of the meter, we MUST have fun as much as we can at every opportunity possible! Because such moments are rare, rarer than the heartbreaks and grief we can possibly go through. So when we get invites to parties, clubbing and drinking, dinner dates, gatherings, etc., we should always make ourselves available. Such moments balance out the negativity in our lives that are more probable to occur. Besides, it enhances our social lives and increase the probability of having better moments in life.
I guess all I'm saying is, before we decide to take away this privilege to live life happily, with the company of close friends and buddies, we should think of all the repercussions that ensue. Before moving off, think of what you're moving away from. Is it worth it?
Fun can be measured. It can be it's definitely what any human being would want to strive towards having outside their ordinary lives.
¶ 2:33 AM 0 Comments
